Bad New Years.

It's New Year's Eve but what happens when you don't necessarily want to enter a new year the way you're going to? What happens when you'd rather rewind a few months back and change a few mishaps? 

I don't want to be wished a happy new year because I have no hope that it will be a happy year. I want to wake up out of this dream and be the happy fun loving girl I was that was entirely enthused about her future and what she would become. Right now I have absolutely no plans for my life other than running away from the world for a bit to find solace in the simple life. Enjoy life for just what's happening at the moment and nothing more than that. Smile at flowers because the bloom, bask in the ocean naked and feel the sun brighten my day. I just need to get away for a while. 

I could never imagine that death would affect me as much.... I have no idea how to cope.